Hellooo people...~

It seems like i have abandoned this place, but nope, not yet.. Just too many things, too much emotions to handle. time seems to have flown itself away. it's already the third month of the year. along the way, things happened and passed.. there are so much that i wanted to note here. but i seem to have forgot 99% of them. i guess that's what human brain is made up of? to leave things behind and move on..

i have backdated one or two post to track down what had happened for the past few months. maybe an avenue for me to remember.. to leave some traces in my memory..

up till this point, to be frank, i would still think that these few people who have gone to meet the angels in heaven are still around, alive and kicking.. i would still think that grandma is still there.. denial, i am. but will you understand?

attended his 100th day few weeks back..
news died off, no longer were there anymore reports about the 5. people continue to race. and i bet boonsan and stephen must be damn proud of the guys this MR500. they have finally brought the glory back. please. come june. keep it up!
my girls. i know they've been training damn hard. guess the time has yet to come.. BUT it will. i believe. just keep trying. 4 more months...
the people up above will bless us.

my batch. one of the last few pics we had in SDBA before he left us...


bring the CUP back.

goodbye ah ma...
ah ma left this world in peace.. i guess that was the least we all hoped for.. ah ma has been a strong fighter.. despite being tied down since the stroke she had over ten years ago..

the last i saw her was when i took the convo gown to her place and took photos with her.. she saw me through my graduation.
i remember when i was young.. every week, i would visit ah ma with my family.. and i would pull out all the ma-sar (toys), place them on that brown table beside ah ma and she would watch me play.. when i was sensible, she was already wheelchair bound. no longer could she converse properly with me anymore.. probably that was why i wasn't as close as compared to my sisters. but still, those were the memories i had with ah ma.

this year's reunion dinner without her felt weird.... that house is so empty now..
they said ah ma already had her fill..

goodbye ahma.. you will be missed by all of us.

one after another. i have been living in utter disbelief and denial for the past one week. first, it was Eujin's news. then, now boonsan and stephen. within one week, i saw people i'm familiar with hitting the headlines. why? All three of them just hitting the next phase of their life.. All with a future awaiting them.. why did they just leave us like that?

it's devastating. to lose them so suddenly. who can come to terms with that? no. just when i was accepting the fact that eujin has passed on after attending his wake last wed, this news came on friday night.
people closer to heart, people i have rowed in that same boat with, people i respected.

thanks for the funny times, boonsan.
i've never told anyone this before.. that i felt encouraged by you. from your seriousness in the boat, from the trust i felt you had in me during year1. being in the same boat, i felt motivated. i saw the softer side of you.
now, there won't be another pacer calling out to the starter to haul just before he presses the start horn. just because our boat was not inline with the rest yet.

i held back my tears everytime i read the papers for updates. i chose to believe that there were still hopes. until this afternoon.
i broke down.
when they found all five of them.
the truth suddenly hits me. that they are really gone.

to all three of you. rest in peace.
the footsteps you've left behind will always be remembered by all of us.
goodbye forever my friend.....

speechless.

life's unpredictable.
why?

unbelievable.
why can't it be a nitemare?

my heart goes out for his love ones.

a huge loss to many.

life's so vunerable, so scary.

the news came too suddenly.
couldn't hold back my tears but i had to hold on.
cannot let her see my sorrow, it will only make her feel worse.


please...
please let everything be fine.
think positive.

i have to be strong.

she has been the one always with me all my life..
now it's my turn to be there for her.

if only i can eat chocolates non-stop, not falling sick and getting fat, that will be GREAT.
chocolates really ease my tiredness, relieve a little of that pressure.

feeling so sian now.
HAI...

having a break from training now..
from 9:50am to 1:30pm. crazy.
HAHA... that explains why i am here!
so bored lahhhh. and just when i thought i can slaccckkkkk my break away, received email of documents from my client for me to follow-up! FAINT.
hahaha.. so byebye lo...
this entry is so bo liao.

because i'm just so BOREDDdddddddddddddd.
ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr.

this is so cute!
we got it at $20 with one tonne of sweets.
HEHEHE.




hock: ham, let's go eat XO beehoon at Holland V this wednesday.
ham: (thinking that wed is our normal meeting weekday, so didn't think much about this wed.)
ham: but i got DND rehearsal leh..
hock: oh then nvm lo.
(few hours later......)
ham: wed is 24th nov. ):

DND is taking up all of my time after work.
sorrys dear. hopefully wed's session can end early.


talking about DND rehearsals, i got myself a puncture wound on my toe. got stepped by a fellow dancer dancing in front of me. best is, she was wearing a pair of stiletto. faint.. just when i thought the pain should have subsided, the sore became worst when i reached home. it was quite nice to see many people (friends/just known friends/don't even know me people) to come show their concern after the mass dance practice. haha. i was like how paiseh.

i think some people should stop commanding others to do things. ESPECIALLY so when you are asking for help. hitting my shoulders everytime you passed by and acting so bossy doesn't help any bit at all. it's starting to get on my nerves already. plus we are all at the same level. so you better stop it.

one more week and i will be away from your nonsense for a while. it's not a bad thing to be on job after all. haha. i'm such a BITCH.
it's time again.
to be grumpyyyyyyyyyyyyy. ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

i passed my DRIVING alreadyyyyy! wheeEEEeeEEeeeeeeeee~
freaking happy. it's like FINALLY i'm out of SSDC. finally i don't need to waste anymore money at that place. finally i'm at the driver's seat! (:

it's a freaking 6 points! i'm stunned when i saw the results.
as compared to the first try, it's poles apart okay! haha. it was a 38 then. so demoralising can? HAHAHA. *happy.happy.happy*

it's time to recognise those routes to everywhere already.. i used to be the one always sleeping at the back seat. hahaha..
and time for my father to chill at the passenger seat beside me!
haha yea chillllll. like real. bcos half the time he will be giving me directions on which road to turn to and the other half worrying, holding on to the handrail when i don't brake earlllyyyy enough. hahaha. THANK YOU papa! (:

to think it was my 21st birthday wish to get THAT license. make it a super belated one then. hehe.
goodnites world!

my boyfriend is a computer geek.
okay, geek sounds a little too extreme.. but he helped me retrieve a folder that i thought i had lost forever!!! wowwwwwwwww~
HAHA. it's really good that the folder was recovered. bcos the files inside are things that i can refer to when i need at work. YEAH! thank you mr.hock! (:
and i think he scored full marks when he came over to help my dad with our newly subscribed broadband connection. hehehe. plus auntie's yummy longan agar-agar!

bought a new teva flip floppp. so comfy. i love! we bought them at a cheap price too. yeahhh double happiness. haha. yes. i'm a cheapo neh-neh. good buys make me excited. haaa..

it's good to have broadband at home now.. at least we no longer need to rely on that pathetic not-so-reliable voda*foneM1 connection. i guess its only plus point is its portable feature. other than that, nAh. most of the time it makes me and dad flustered from its connection error. everytime we have to trial and error and after much 'effort', a connection can be established. and we can't download or transfer much stuff over internet like msn etc. its speed is not very superb either. so rights, i'm very contented with the connection we have now. yippppeeee. (:

brought back my laptop from office yesterday.. i have targeted to clear some WBL over the weekend but seems like i've slacked my fri night and saturday away. ROARRRRRrrrrr!!

i hope can be extremely hardworking tmr after my driving. yeahhh.
annual leave plus one for sat's public hols. so happy!
i want to go bangkok for holsss.. anyone?!

life is pretty good now.
yeah. i'm out of the demoralised mode for now..
have been back in office since last week. a good time to recharge myself i guess. my team's new hirers put up a dance performance for our welcoming night last friday.. the outcome of our dance was gooooood. haha. the humour element hits 100% i tell you. everybody was laughing their heads off. totally "throw face" 100% okays. haha.. wells, it doesn't matter anyway.. we did have fun along the way, laughing at ourselves. next up will be the DND rehearsals coming 2ndnov. even though i do whine about the need to stay back in office for dance practices, i choose to believe that everything will be great fun. that is if all of us choose to. (: so here's another 2weeks of late nights commitment dedicated to DND this Oct.
it has been some time since i last did a dance. no doubt that i still have my love for dancing. haha. think not many of my friends know about this.. because i've been a rough girl since my odac days then to my db days. eh helllooo.. i can be very demure one okays. HAHAHAHA. dancing is awesome!

one more day to TGIF.
two more days and i will be out to client's place again.
ROARRRRR.

oh. i'm having fun playing online games with mr.hock over MSN.
HAHA. and i always WIN! yeaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh. ;p
life's good with you. (:
goodnites world.

it's sunday already.. and i'm dreading work once again.
the freaking cough and blocked nose is not going away at all. i have difficulties breathing. this is bad. i hate to be sick.

contemplated to take MC but timing is just not right. i will be very busy tmr cos we are expecting all the documents to come in. so it will not be nice for me to take leave. how about tuesday.. wednesday.. or thursday?? wellll.. basically, think this whole week will be rushing rushing.. because everything was just not ready on their side and we just have to rush work this last week when we are still there.

stress built up after tuesday. uneasiness stayed with me through the whole week after doing that job. felt so down and helpless. i was all alone.. didn't know how to handle at all. but i was lucky to have this really nice senior. the call from her on friday just release me from all the mind-torturing sadness. i felt relieved and happy. couldn't thank her enough.. at least she let me know that i had done the right thing. so i have nothing to feel guilty about. yeah! the manager actually called her to apologise for what happened. at least there are still nice ppl out there..
though torturing, i still learnt. learnt to be less hard on myself. be more firm and not let them run over me!
Thanks nicole. (:
two nicoles i've met in my life.. and they are both great ppl.. (:

and mr. hock was there for me when i was down.
it was good to end most of my days seeing him.
thanks..

time to finish up some work ): and iron my one week worth of clothes!
byebye.
please. a better week ahead.

third day into this second engagement.. and both the newbies in the team feel that more should have been done. it's weird to be there and yet have nothing much to work on.. but guess there's also a limit to how much we can do. wells, i think i have to be mentally prepared to work late coming weeks bah. since now relak.. the later phase will have to rush and rush again? through this engagement, i had my virgin experience approaching clients to get the documents that i needed. it's like, you really need to know what you are asking for and be confident about it. bcos if you meet not-so-nice ppl, they will keep probing and probing and still refuse to help you.
one thing i've regretted is not to choose a*udit field during my attachment. well at least i won't be as lost as i would now. wells. for this i have to work harder and smarter! ROARRRRR.

one thing to be happy about:
i have RECOVERED!
miraculously FAST. yeahhhhhh! (:

mr hock just bought mooncakes for me family~
hehehe. snow skin ones.. i LIKE! (:
there's this tradition that is quite cute and i'm going to share~ both our mothers actually coincide and conveyed the same idea to both of us. my mum told me that normally the girl's side need not buy gifts to the guy's side when we are dating. only the guys need to buy gifts during those special occassions like cny, mid-autumn festival etc. then dear's mum actually told him to buy mooncakes for us and asked me not to buy for them. haha. bcos they don't eat mooncakes that is.. ha. so yeah. ladies do take note. though we are living in the new age modern days now. haha.

before i end off, i'm going to complain about the IT dept in my office. they end work on the dot at 5:30pm and they blatantly refused to help me the 1st time i went to them. the excuse given was that the person who can help was not around. early in the morning when i was in a rush to go off to client's place. and everytime i'm out of office, i can't access the co's network to check emails and do stuff, which made me feel rather paralysed. then when i attempted to rush back to office on the same day before they happily pack up and go, they still rejected me initially. lousy! but eventually when i insisted that i need to get it fixed, one of them helped by getting some info from me, went into the office and attempted to help. he claimed that the problem has been resolved. feeling hopeful, i tried the next morning at client's place BUT IT STILL CAN'T WORK! wth. i have a WBL deadline to meet and emails to check but i have no means to! i'm just going to call them up tmr morning and get it cured. by hook or by crook. DAMN.

now i'm waiting and waiting for documents to come in before i can do anything.. and i'm feeling drowsy and giddy because i just had my medicine. eye lids are closing. how? damn. i told the doc not to give me anything that will cause drowsiness. why still for those lozenges? boo! but since the medicine all taste not that bad, the friendly doc is forgiven! haha. have never tasted cough syrup that is like crysanthemum tea! nice right? HEHE. (: but under presriptions, it says it will cause diarrhoea. FAINT.

okay. i better start acting busy now before i doze off to dreamland.
byebye!


zzzzZZZZZzzz.... -_-

the months of august & september are pretty eventful for the both of us! haha.. it was just like christmas. got a nice esprit working blouse and fossil watch from hock for that two occassions. explains why he was so broke then. haha.. now it's me turn to be a poor dog. got him good stuff too! hehe. i'm glad he likes it.. and yes! BINGO! i hit his wishlist. though not the top priority one. it was funny how we later drew out our own wishlist and i didnt even realise that there's quite some stuff that i'm actually lack of. of course some of them are luxury goods lah. can always make do with those that i have now. but it's always nice to get ourselves a gift after we get our paycheck to pamper ourselves. (:
work is tough okay.

there's so much so much to learn. i'm already suffering from occassional headaches every now and then. the lack of sleep, long working hours, no proper meals can be real draining. i guess i'm still fine as of now. afterall only one actual week has past. not very smooth sailing.. but i will get through it!

feeling lost and not in control of the things that i do now. but i won't give up. i will take things one step at a time. what people expect of me, i must deliver. like what hock said, i have to be more thick-skinned and don't feel bad/ dumb to ask questions. because it's really true.. that we really have to confirm the things that we do for the very first time so that we won't make any major mistakes at work. so the initial phase will always be very leh-chey. and i shouldn't be emotionally affected when seniors get irritated/unhappy. yes. i must control!!! i lost myself the last week. partly cos we were rushing for that particular engagement and no one has the mood to be patient.. but i did learn from it eventually.

then came saturday.. WEEKEND! and it was dear's birthday.. i'm a lousy birthday planner. we ended up eating at the place he suggested. but it was good.. haha. we had dinner at villa'ge.. had a good fill of stomach! i guess if we went to the place that i initially planned for, our stomach may be half empty, paying the same price. hehe.

his presence made everything good this weekend. i felt recharged though i fell sick just today. boo! but overall, i'm feeling better spiritually. haha. (: the lazy sunday that i had was some time to myself at home.. and a simple lunch meet up with him.. and i felt so blessed to spend that sunday noon with him. i don't know why.. just happy.. a sunday doing nothing is good. (:

things will get better.
what would i do if i won't afraid?

):

i told that to myself for the whole of today. yet, there was minimal impact on me i guess. though i felt that i have improved from yesterday already! hopefully. =/ looking through those mountains of files to find ONE piece of document is no fun at all. and worst if you pulled everything out and you still can't find THAT piece of paper that you need. and that is why i took freaking long to complete (okay almost) that one TOC. *cries!!* if only there's "CTRL F" for all those files.. and mei you ren finished using all the 2 groups of sxxxples for testing still not enough one LAH! faint.

one thing i realised today is that i'm slightly more efficient after 9/10pm. freak.

really hope that i can go off a little earlier than today to meet dear for a drink at coffee bean's tmr. mr.hock will make a good destresser. (:

some audi*t jargons here and there.. if you don't understand, it's totally fine.. just know that it's some work that i've been doing for the whole of today ONLY! =/

i WILL be more efficient tomorrow.
i WILL sign up for 42km tomorrow.
i NEED to meet him tomorrow.

notice the difference?

just a quick one before i zzzzZZzz to bed....
yesterday was the official first day at the client's. looking at those small numbers and confusing pieces of papers.. i'm a NOOB all over again. thank god ci booked me at the last minute on this job with her.. at least i have this one week to learn from someone i'm comfortable with before facing the 'true' world out there. haha.. like meeting new colleagues, working with different people.. nice/difficult people.. i guess having nice people to work with must be a bonus and we get to learn without much stress and everybody is happy. wells, if we meet difficult people, we just have to face it.. as a challenge.
i'm not going to imagine how my next week's job is going to be like and i'm just going to enjoy this one week with ci! hehe.. so patient with us! (:

think one consolation of working late for this job will be the cab ride home! wheeee... no need to squeeze in that MRT, no need to change to bus72 at yck, no need to walk and walk somemore in the torturing heels. did i tell anyone i almost slip when i was rushing to work this morning? the floor towards office is sooooo NEW and SLIPPERY. and my lousy heels has like zero friction. ROARRRR.. was already rushing for time yet i couldn't walk fast enough. torturous.

haha. okay enough of complaints. i'm going to dreamland now.. and see those figures and papers once again. with my SPECS this time! yessss~ i don't care if i look like a NERD.

goodnites world! (:

good morning!
freaking early in the morning and why the hell am i here?! this is crazy.. i dozed off last night at around 9pm HAHA and i was supposed to complete a read up for work which i had saved in my thumbdrive. so at 3am when i woke up, i actually set the alarm to 6am so that i have ample time to cover what i have to. but to my horrors, i couldn't find the file in my thumbdrive at ALL! FAINT. how how how? i thought i did save it inside? why is it gone?

so as a result, i have some time now to update! hahaha..
over the short weekend that i had, i went back kallang to find DBgirls at Xperience'o7 on sat, got the chance to catch up with some of them. it felt good to be with them again.. people like msfel & pangsss.. (: it's like i'm so used to talking to them so freely, that i need not be scared of any 'after effects'. over at work, there's no one for me to whine, complain and bitch to.. had a nice time with my old roomie on the way back home. see ya at ball man.. remember to toast tog!

and on sunday, i finally got my butt down to ntu. yes yes, photo taking session with mr.hock & my parents! hehe.. i had fun laahhh.. there's one shot when we throw our mortar boards that we took so many times, thinking that either his or mine wasn't captured in the picture. BUT guess wad?! when i reviewed them under the shade, every single pictures has BOTH of our mortar boards in!! FAINT. HAHAHA.. so funny..
and we went to several sites to take pictures.. enjoyyyy:

the 1st place that we went: SRC old gym.
we spent half our ntu life here.

(:

on the track.

nice SDM..

i took a similar picture when i was a baby.

my parents!

graduate looooo~!!! (:

with ah ma~ (:

last but not least!


a place to remember.

hellos all..
have started work for 1week 3days now. the 6plus off work timing is good! yes.. still having training now at raffles place. that explains the early time off. it's good to still see daylight when i reached home today.

kind of getting used to waking up early, drawing on my own face and keeping it there for the whole day, wearing heels, staying professional in my formal work attire. right, guess i'm sort of adapting well in terms of 'looking like' a working adult now. hahaha.

most of us are already feeling damn tired and drained everyday after training, how to survive actual fieldwork? when work ends god knows what time? can't imagine how it will feel like..

my mr.hock has been away for 3days now.. good thing is that he will be back tmr! yeahhhh~ (: august & sept are like important to us but we hardly got much time with each other. first i was away to korea for tour, then to penang for training, and now he's away to m'sia for his work. i guess this whole month i can count the number of days we met with my hands. it's so different when we were still schooling. haha. nice life back then. miss the freedom to meet, the freedom to stay out late, the freedom to play.. right now, even staying out a little later for dinner during weekdays feel tiring. the impact of work life. boo!

even lala said this to me, "then you came back, both of you watched fireworks, then he's gone again?" haha..

then again, it's not as bad as you may think laaah.. i'm just whining again. haha. at least the two of us stay near each other. so it's still good. i still feel close to him.. cos mr hock puts in alot of effort.. and i'm grateful for that.. (: quality over quantity i guess. and not having the chance to see each other so often does make feelings grow fonder ya! hehe.

argh. what a boring entry.
well, guess work makes one a boring shit.
and i'm still coughing away since the 1st week of this month. ):

till then.